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Top 5 Side Effects Of Driving 15+ Hours
1- You are either doing the “I’m just gonna rest one eye” trick or you’re so jacked up on caffeine that you won’t sleep for weeks (when given the opportunity, choose the latter). 2- Your knuckles are...
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Top 5 Reasons You Should Go To The Beach
1- The frizzier the hair, the more fun you’re having. 2- You get to show off your masterful self-tanning skills…which is no small feat. 3- Heels are frowned upon, so now’s the chance to give your worn...
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Top 5 Reasons I Date Foreigners
1- When they say something you don’t like, it’s easy to chalk it up to translation issues. 2- The likelihood of traveling somewhere exotic is increased tenfold. 3- I am determined for my children to...
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Top 5 Rules of Nature
1- No matter how powerful/successful you are, you are nothing compared to the entity that brings about hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, etc…so don’t get too big for your britches. 2- Darwinism is alive...
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Top 5 Lies I Tell Myself
1- Paying outrageous rent in Manhattan balances out because I don’t have a car. 2- Wavy/Frizzy hair is natural and beautiful…not just a sign of laziness. 3- I have the patience, time, and money for a...
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Top 5 Reasons I Love America
1- In my opinion, we have the best patriotic music in the world…and hearing these tunes never fails to take me back to middle school chorus. 2- Without leaving the country, you can visit the desert,...
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Top 5 Rules of PDA
1- If it’s not dark, put it in park. While stolen kisses on a midnight stroll can (sometimes) be unoffensive, the same scene in daylight makes most people want to vomit all over your romantic moment....
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Top 5 Ways To Ruin A Photo
1- Wear a tube top. You’ll look naked as a jaybird…and surprisingly unconcerned about it. 2- Duck lips. There is a fine line between a flirty pout and Darkwing Duck. 3- Wrong filter. There is a a good...
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Top 5 Reasons I Watch Tennis
1- As far as sports go, it’s one of the few I can actually see myself playing. 2- While not entirely unrelated to the statement above, the outfits can be super cute. 3- Rafael Nadal. Ay Caramba. 4-...
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Top 5 Signs You Are Not Destined To Be Domestic
1- Your friends refuse to cook at your house because, without fail, you never have the basics to make a meal (flour, eggs, olive oil, etc). 2- The thought of making your own cleaning supplies makes you...
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Top 5 Things I Would Do In An Alternate Universe
1- Throw my shoe at annoying people at the gym…while running on the treadmill. 2- Flip the plate of anyone who chews with their mouth open. They deserve to have a lapful of lo mein, onlookers be...
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Top 5 Signs You Should Chill The F Out
1- You choose cubed ice rather than crushed because it takes less time…even though you prefer crushed. 2- You have given up and replaced milk with coffee when having your morning cereal…because it just...
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Top 5 Ways To Freak Out Your Neighbor
1- Mow the lawn in a santa suit…in the middle of July. 2- Label a spot in your driveway “Client Parking – 1 Hour Max.” 3- Put a life-size cut-out of the Backstreet Boys in your bedroom window. 4-...
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Top 5 Signs You’re With An Old Friend
1- You don’t feel weird about borrowing their deodorant and/or hairbrush…and it doesn’t even cross your mind to ask first. 2- You reminisce about the hot guys in college…and wonder if they ever...
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Top 5 Things I Avoid Online
1- YouTube commentary. Without a doubt, this is a platform for the most horrendous, bottom-feeding scum of humanity…and I want no part of it. 2- Facebook advertisements. Who the heck do they think they...
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Top 5 Looks I Can’t Help But Give
1- The “I know you are not about to eat off my plate” stare. 2- The ever-so-slight “I don’t believe a word out of your mouth” smile. 3- The “You did NOT just say that to my friend” glare. 4- The “So...
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Top 5 Reasons I Love Country Music
1- It reminds me of going to little bluegrass shacks as a child and listening to my mama sing. 2- Not sure why, but I love a good sad song…and no one sings ‘em better than Patsy. 3- You haven’t lived...
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Top 5 People I Don’t Understand
1- Gym rats that fit in an extra session at lunch. While I admire the dedication, what do you do with your hair? How do you have time to shower? Do you not feel gross the rest of the afternoon? How...
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Top 5 Things That Always Seem Suspect
1- The “traffic was terrible/train was delayed/accident on the highway” excuse. Most of us have used this one at some point in our lives…thus no one actually believes it. 2- The sickeningly sweet “do...
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Top 5 Ideas That I Don’t Buy
1- The “we’re on a break” cop out. There’s a reason why “a break” sounds a lot like “breaking up”…because they’re the same damn thing. 2- The “he/she has commitment issues” excuse. In most cases, the...
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